midnight musings

• at what point does love turn in to work, and stop being worth it?? (i’m fighting the urge to stop fighting for us)
• it’s a good love, fantastic, even. but is the love worth it if the effort isn’t there?
• if we keep going like this, one of us is going to get hurt. and I love you so much but we’re so different. and I can fight for you as much as I want and as hard as I can but if you don’t fight for me there’s nothing
• you don’t communicate. and GOD I wish you did
• sometimes I feel like i’m the only one putting adult energy in to us. i’m the only one making an effort to communicate. the only one making an effort to help you when you need it, go out of my way to make sure you’re okay, read you well enough to know to check on you even when you say you don’t need it. i’m the only one making an effort in public, i’m the only one with any semblance of a plan for the future
• I feel like i’m on eggshells around you half the time

but I love You

I love the way you smile
with your whole face,
your laugh.
God
your laugh.
the way your whole body laughs
and you throw your head back and snort and stomp your feet
and your eyes roll back in your head
when something is “funny”.
I love the way you show me you love me
in the little things:
covering me with a blanket when I fall asleep in your bed
sending me things that remind you of me
keeping the rock you found on our date to the river.
I love the way your voice gets soft when you talk to me
even about the simple things,
but like it’s a secret no one else can know
just for you and me.
the way you tuck my hair behind my ear
look me in the eyes
pull me closer
and bring me to life
with one breath.
I love laying close to you,
feeling you breathe,
the way our bodies melt perfectly into each other,
feeling your skin on mine
with just the most innocent touch,
but we are one body.
I love your forehead kisses
and the way you pull me close and hold me against your chest.
I am safe, protected, warm, home.
your smile,
your laugh.
God
your laugh.
You.
I love you
so much
& I think i’ll probably end up loving you forever.

So, yes,
it’s worth it.
it’s all worth it.
every minute.

you’re my epic love story
(the love of my life)
and my wasted heart will love you to the ends of the earth,
to the stars,
and back.